A Tale of Tails

I took advantage of waking up early yesterday morning and ran two miles before starting my morning routine. I need to do that more often. I felt so good! I was definitely the “windshield” yesterday.

We have been in a heat wave here in New England. It is in the 90s and the humidity is off the charts. Besides feeling icky and sicky, my hair is at least ten times bigger than normal. I am looking GOOOOOOOOOOD I tell ya.

But besides the unfortunate hairdo, the day was looking good. I left work a little early to go home and freshen up a bit because we had to go to a wake (NOT one of the highlights of my day), but the husband and I took advantage of a babysitter and some thank you gift certificates and decided to go out for a non-child friendly Italian meal at Ristorante Molise in Amesbury. This isn’t a restaurant review, but the food there is pretty darn good and if you are interested, I always have the Pollo al la vodka and it is always fantastic.

Now, I don’t know about you, but after a good workout, I always feel good. I don’t necessarily mean physically, so much as that I am more self-confident. I feel better about the way I look. I carry myself differently. With a bit more poise, I guess. I was even thinking to myself “Damn, I look good today”. I was looking sleek, all in black, peep-toe heels, straight, shiny hair, jewelry, make-up done. I was all that and a bag o’ chips man!

So, after a wonderful meal, I stepped away from the table to use the ladies’ room to, well use the ladies’ room and check my teeth. I sailed proudly through the restaurant feeling like people were totally checking me out, because as I said, “Damn I looked good” and I came back to the table to wait for my aperitif.

Our waitress came with the bill and I took the gift certificates out of my purse and I reminded the husband that we had to leave her a tip in cash. I had taken money out of his wallet in the car to pay a toll and instead of handing it back to him, I put it in the console in the car. So as my “punishment” for not giving his wallet back, I was the sucker who had to go out to the car to retrieve the wallet.

As I stood up and turned around, my husband grabbed my hand and quietly said “Turn around”. I naturally turned the wrong way, with my back toward the diner sitting right behind me.

“NO. The other way”

Like an idiot, I continued to turn the wrong way, spinning in a complete circle. So he grabbed my hand and firmly pulled it down so I would sit back down in my chair. And under his breath said,

“You have toilet paper hanging out of your pants”.

I felt my face flush (and it wasn’t because of the sangria). I began to panic but still try to keep it cool. I reached back thinking I would grab a little tab of paper. Not so much. I reached back and began to reel up at least 3 feet of toilet paper that I had so arrogantly paraded through the restaurant.

I was mortified! Of course I was wearing black, so there was absolutely no chance it wasn’t noticed. The poor men behind me were probably having a very difficult time trying not to crack up laughing. I even think I saw a smirk on my husband’s face. I knew he wanted to bust out laughing but feared for his life if he had done so.

So, I rolled up my wad of toilet paper and once again walked through the dining room, now incredibly conscious of myself and not feeling so pretty anymore, with shall I say “my tail between my legs”.

That ought to teach me to be so vane. And also that after checking my teeth in the mirror, I should take a moment to check the other end too.

Just thought I’d share.

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About Cluttercafe

Wife to a great guy. Mom to two active, wonderful kids. Full time working woman trying to keep it all together.
This entry was posted in scattered thoughts, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Tale of Tails

  1. Megan says:

    We’d make a great team Lisa, just the other day I met up with some old friends and here I am in the bathroom looking how tan my legs looked and how cute my shoes were (ya I was thinking I’m one hot mama again) sad part is I DIDN’T check my teeth, later to find out I had spinach in them!! 🙂 and I know everyone saw it because there were lots of laughs!! Oh the joys of embarrassment :/

    • cluttercafe says:

      See Megan, that’s what vanity gets us. I told a friend I think I was getting punished because I had just told my husband to check out a woman who came in who BADLY needed a bra. That’s what I get for saying mean things about other people! Serves me right!

  2. Charlotte Hart says:

    Sorry
    But doesn’t it just bring a smile to your face LOL

  3. nikgwin says:

    oh my….. oh My! I so feel for you!!! hugs.

    • cluttercafe says:

      Thanks. I could have used a hug. I was so embarrassed. I tried to play it cool, but I mean really, how cool can you be dragging toilet paper across a fancy restaurant? I’ll have to get takeout there from now on.

  4. Danielle says:

    Ha ha, great story! I say laugh it off and hold your head up high. We’ve all done it. You’re still all that and a bag of chips. 🙂

  5. kandee2013 says:

    OMG … you just provided my chuckle for the day … sadly, at your expense. Fear not … my lovely wife had a similar experience, dragging TP attached to her shoe through a crowded restaurant … stuff happens. Keep smiling 🙂 and stay hungry !!

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