You’ve all taken a walk through that weird funhouse at the amusement park, I’m sure. Why they call them a funhouse is beyond me. They should be called house of germs and claustrophobia, but I digress.
There are those crazy warped mirrors throughout that make you look weird and distorted. You can’t help yourself but to stand and pose in front of them laughing, knowing the image in the mirror is not how you truly look.
For me, and many out there, every mirror is a funhouse mirror. Sadly, it goes beyond what I see on the outside. It is a distorted impression of how I perceive myself as a person.
As a mother.
I read an article in Self magazine the other day, What I Gave Up Because I felt Fat that really hit home. I can’t even count the times I’ve bailed out of events because of how I felt I looked or how I feel I look compared to those around me. Have you ever heard the saying “If you want to feel thin, surround yourself with fat people”? Well, I always feel like the fat one being referred to.
I say hurtful things to myself that I would never say to another human being. Compliments are typically responded to with a cynical smirk or negative retort instead of a polite “thank you”. I can barely recall a time that I am pleased with not only my appearance, but also with my performance or craft, or really anything.
It is said that we see ourselves magnified by 10. That blemish in the mirror that is keeping you a shut in is most likely unnoticeable to anyone else. The extra couple of pounds you put on during the holidays may be tugging on your buttons, but probably have no one taking a second glance.
It is all how we perceive and accept ourselves. Those demons in our head that tell us awful lies, can sometimes feel too strong to battle. That beautiful, thin, stylish woman you envy at work may very well be battling those very same demons. Although an outsider can’t understand why. Their perception of themselves is very real.
I lost a very special friend last year to suicide. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out, living a seemingly perfect life with a husband who adored her and a beautiful new baby girl. Losing her was a shock, to say the least. I think of her every day and still ask the same question…Why?
I find myself missing her more than every lately as her anniversary looms around the corner. I often think of her internal struggles and how much she must have been hurting and how desperate she must have felt, yet couldn’t express. If I can learn anything from her, it is to step away from that funhouse mirror or at least ignore the lies it tells and be truly appreciative and content, dare I say pleased, with the reflection…
The strong woman
The loving mother.
The attentive wife.
The hard-working employee.
The talented cook.
The creative artist.
The inspirational writer.
The trustworthy friend.
Have a beautiful day.
Please watch this
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”
― August Wilson