Square Pegs

I have been at this blogging thing for going on four years now.

Every year around my blogiversary I toy with the idea of shutting it down.

“I gave it a real shot! It’s just not fulfilling the dream I had when I started. I’m done!”

So I thought a little harder than I ever had before and realized, in all honesty, I haven’t been true to myself. I really haven’t given it a real shot, especially after reading about some successful bloggers. Dang, they work hard! Success hasn’t just happened to them. They have put in the time, the effort, the sacrifice.

I simply haven’t.

The occasional post, then nothing, then excuses to my loyal readers. That’s what I’ve become. After a couple of months of soul-searching, waffling back and forth, to quit or not to quit and lots of tears about what a failure I am, it finally hit me.

For four years I have been trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

I realized, I had pretty much proclaimed my site a food blog. I mean, I can cook but at this point I can’t compare to some of those amazing food bloggers out there. You know the ones who can dump out a can of dog food and make it look so good you have to run out and grab all the supplies and cook it up immediately and serve it at a dinner party? Yup, them.

Then I read this.

“Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses and it is only when you accept everything you are-and aren’t- that you will truly succeed”.

And thought “It’s ok I’m not a food blogger”. It is something I’m good at, but maybe it isn’t everything I’m good at.

So I compiled a list of my strengths and weaknesses, my goals, my boundaries and my walls and most importantly, my excuses. I put them on paper so I could stare them down and address them.

I always thought time was my biggest issue. Like I don’t have any to spare. I’m too busy being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good housekeeper, a good everything! There’s no time for me.

“When will I find the time to photograph a meal, or ever develop a recipe?”.

Then it hit me! Duh! I’m busy being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good housekeeper, a good employee. I’m not just a cook. I’m all these things! This was my niche!

My time was being spent trying to be something I wasn’t. And all I was doing was spinning my wheels.

Now it’s time to make the changes.

One of my most awesomest (yeah, it’s a word) friends, Danielle at ENJI Daily had written an article about change, which I refer to a lot. She has also reminded me that every failure is a gift, a means of growth. It’s just how we look at it. And that almost no one goes from point A to point B in a linear way, we have little learning curves along the way.

I believe you have to be ready for change. So, for the first time in my life, I’m going to listen to the people around me who tell me I’m amazing and I’m simply going to be amazing.